This Melody in My Heart

When I was a little girl, I learned the Prayer of Saint Francis, in the form of a sweet little melody taught and sung in elementary school. It has been a song in my heart all these years, though I have failed miserably in so many seasons and moments of my life to walk it out. 

These are the verses I remember:

Verse 1: Make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, your pardon, Lord,
And where there's doubt, true faith in you.

Verse 2: Make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there's despair in life, let me sow hope.
Where there is darkness, let me sow light,
And where there's sadness ever joy.

When I worked in downtown Manhattan in the early 90s, I used to walk by a historic little church every day on the way to the Path Train at the World Trade Center. The church bells would play this same melody I learned when I was a little girl. It always brought me back to the day when I had a purer heart. 

But in this stage of my life, while I knew God, I was too hardened in my fast track corporate life to do anything but pursue success and my self interests. Peace, love, forgiveness, faith, hope, light, joy? Oh sure, I wanted all those in my own life, but was too selfish and ignorant to understand the mandate to sow this into the lives of others. Thankfully, God in His kindness has done a deep work in me since those days.

But it is the refrain that has captured my attention recently.

Refrain:

Oh Master, grant that I may never seek
So much to be consoled as to console.
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love with all my soul.

Oh, to be selfless enough to live this prayer, and not just when it's easy, and not with the motive to receive consolation, understanding and love in return. Perhaps that desire is the reason I have carried this melody in my heart all these years.

"Oh Master, grant that I may no longer..."