One morning, I had asked the Lord to please let me die. Wait! I know that sounds dramatic, manic or flat out scary, but no worries! I was not at all suicidal. At that moment in time it seemed like I was in a wasteland where all natural streams had dried up. I don’t know quite when it happened, but a spiritual, emotional, relational, mental and physical Famine had struck.
Flashback 30 years. I sang in a college concert choir that performed oratorios for the community. For one performance, professional soloists were hired to perform the solos, but I protested: “Why do we have to farm out all the solos when those of us in the choir can sing?” My director was kind to let me audition and the contralto who was hired graciously conceded one of the recitatives. The vocal line was unchallenging and the lyric obscure to me. But that didn’t matter! I was 18 and given the opportunity to solo in a major choral work.
Not even knowing the lyrics were scripture, or what the heck a cruse of oil was (or where, by the way, was Zeraphath?) this is what I sang:
Now Cherith’s brook is dried up
Elijah! Arise and depart, and get thee to Zarephath
Hither abide
For the Lord hath commanded a widow woman there to sustain thee
And the barrel of meal shall not waste
Neither shall the cruse of oil fail
Until the day when the Lord sendeth rain upon the earth.
Flash forward to one night at Women of the Word study. My pastor’s wife was teaching on significant women of the Bible and the Widow of Zarephath from 1 Kings 17 was the focus of our study that night. I can never help but draw a parallel between myself and this woman. I knew this story much better now than when I sang the short passage from Mendelssohn’s Elijah 30 years ago, but usually I connected to the part where she gathered the jars before the provision came! That had been an anchoring faith principle in my walk over the years.
But that night, the word ‘Famine’ was what drew me into the teaching because of that recent conversation with the Lord.
Once I was drawn in however, I soon withdrew and listened half heartedly. When one is in a Famine season like I described and someone is talking about a Famine, well---it’s like drinking from a cup of sand in a desert. Even the part about the widow gathering the jars by faith and God providing miraculously didn’t stir me like it always had.
But then a question was asked. It was one of those questions that was casually posed, but caused something to rise up in me. The question was: “Do you think the Widow of Zarephath knew the big picture of what was happening?”
In my spirit, from a well I had thought was bone dry, I heard a resounding, “Yes!”
My response was confident, but not very well informed--I knew I needed to really take a look at the scripture and the context to speak more in detail about it. But even before having done that, there was something about this woman’s faith that connected to my faith in that ‘moment’ of the discussion. My response was that no one can take such a leap of faith like that without having a bigger picture in mind. Not a picture where you know all the details, but a picture where you ‘see’ the broad strokes, you know God is in it, you know God has a plan, you know God is appointing and using you to serve in the life of another, you know that, even if it doesn’t make sense, even if it seems insane, you know that you must obey, regardless the cost.
After sharing my opinion to the question presented, that surprising “Yes!” ‘moment’ lasted just that long…only a moment. I became disinterested again, weary of the topic, weary of everyone else’s testimonies. There is much lack in a season of Famine, but cynicism and disillusion is abundant. I left early and went home to bed.
The next morning I opened up my Bible to 1 Kings 17 to get a more informed response to the question presented that night. One commentary said the Widow of Zarephath was ‘an alien of Israel, a stranger to the covenant of promise.’ That does not sound like someone who was aware of the big picture.
In verse 12, she says to Elijah, when he asked her for water and bread, “I don’t have any bread--only a handful of flour in a jar and a little oil in a jug. I am gathering a few sticks to take home and make a meal for myself and my son, that we may eat it--and die.” That definitely does not sound like someone who was aware of the big picture!
The Holy Spirit prompted me to search for the clue in the passage that would give evidence that the widow knew He was in it, had a plan, and that she was trusting him. I was reading from the NLT, verse 8: “Go and live in the village of Zarephath…I have instructed a widow there to feed you.” (Other translations read, “I have commanded a widow to sustain you.”)
The phrase I have instructed a widow/ I have commanded a widow struck me as odd. This is a time period when God spoke to the nation of Israel through the prophets. This woman was a foreigner, an outsider to the promise of the covenant, and God Himself instructed her/commanded her? What was that like when she heard His voice, and what did she say back to him? What questions did she ask? Did she agree to it?
God never said to Elijah, “I have instructed a widow there to sustain you, but she is very skeptical, lacks faith and is very negative about the whole thing.”
God never said to Elijah, “I have instructed a widow there to sustain you, but she is very skeptical, lacks faith and is very negative about the whole thing.”
We can’t know how much of the big picture this woman knew, but I don’t know how there is any way she could have had an encounter like that from God without having some revelation that something big was about to take place and she was part of it! Did the reality of the effects of the Famine dull her vision, wear her down and cause her to feel hopeless and faithless? Yes. Did she say she was going to die? Yes.
And then the Lord reminded me of my words that one morning prior to opening my Bible: “Lord, please let me die.”
And suddenly I understood the Widow of Zarephath like I never had before. She was not speaking a death sentence over herself. She was not lacking faith, nor did she have plans to disobey God’s command to serve the Man of God. I believe she was just speaking transparently through the exhaustion of the long season of her Famine. A devestating famine in the land, on top of the fact that she was widowed, alone, felt hopeless, and couldn’t see the end in sight. That's a woman of God I could relate to. It was more than a natural famine for her. It was a spiritual, emotional, relational, mental and physical Famine. It had taken it’s toll.
But the widow simply needed from Elijah a reminder of God’s promise and a little direction: “Don’t be afraid! Do the following things, and God will give just enough provision until He sends the rain and the crops grow again, just as He promised!” Some days in that Famine season I felt like I was just gathering sticks and wished that God would just take me. Trauma, heartbreak, loss--I can handle; feeling indifferent and apathetic like I did in that season--that's a different story.
Even so, I knew then that God’s promises were true, and RAIN was on its way! That was the big picture! The Widow of Zarephath knew it, and I knew it. Until it would come, I could only speak over myself the verse I had been speaking over myself during that time: "God is in the midst of her; she will not be moved. He will help her in the morning.”
How great is My God that 30 years ago when He heard me perform 1 Kings 17, verses 8 and 14, He already knew that Word would bear fruit in me that one morning, the very moment I needed it.
In God's concept of time, that's a timely word.
In God's concept of time, that's a timely word.
